Book Summary
Book SummaryNew Canaan, Connecticut is a rich town occupied by tasteful people and was the home of Katie Tarbox when she began to recount her story. Similar to many other thirteen-year-old girls, Katie was searching for an understanding of herself as she entered eighth grade. Katie longed for a perfectly functioning family and although her family attempted to give this impression, they were quite different. Rarely spending time with her daughters, Katie’s mother was either at work or preoccupied with work. Also a workaholic was Katie’s stepfather, David who has been part of the family since she was four. Katie never considered David her father even though she had no relationship with her biological father. Katie was the middle child and was regularly compared with both her sisters. Sweltering competition between sisters combined with inattentive parents, Katie felt alone at home and her family was a low priority in her life.
Duplicating her mother’s work ethic, Katie was engulfed in schoolwork, choir, and the swim team. With minimal time to socialize Katie only had one close friend and no boyfriend. While other girls attended slumber parties and talked about boys, Katie was drowning with the pressure to be a top swimmer. Being compared with other swimmers and constantly practicing left Katie hating the sport she had once loved and not belonging anywhere.
Searching for acceptance and companionship, Katie began to use America Online. In 1995, the Internet was still relatively new and chat rooms based around endless interest areas were a new discovery for Katie. Although she was honest when chatting, Katie quickly realized that others would exaggerate and lie about themselves. Not long after her introduction to chat rooms Katie discovered “Vallleyguy” at 5:30 AM on a Sunday morning. Stating 23 as his age, he was quite older than her yet they shared similar interests. They exchanged names during the conversation and Katie was impressed by Mark’s maturity and how he made her feel unique. She had found someone she could relate to and felt comfortable giving him her phone number.
The phone calls, chat room conversations, and e-mails became increasingly frequent. Katie disregarded several warning flags concerning Mark, including that he rarely spoke of his own life, he was on the Internet at strange times, and he later told her he was actually 31-years-old. Still, Katie found herself trusting him. She described their relationship as open and adult, not based on sexual interest. As they spent more time communicating, Katie realized that she loved him and they needed each other. Mark told her there was no point telling others about their relationship, especially her parents. Looking for support, Katie confided in her one close friend, Ashley. Instead, Katie was criticized, warned of Mark’s motives and scolded by Ashley. Even after trying to explain the depth of their relationship, Katie was unable to convince Ashley otherwise. This experience reiterated the need for secrecy to Katie, as no one would understand.
Mark began to insist on meeting in person. Katie resisted when he wanted her to fly to where he lived in California for a twenty-four hour visit. Katie had mixed emotions and Mark made her feel guilty for not cooperating, accusing her of not trusting him. They decided to meet at the hotel the swim team would occupy for a competition in Texas. Although Katie had doubts of how they would make it work, Mark convinced her that this was the perfect opportunity for their relationship to grow.
After several months of communicating across the country, Katie was excited to meet the man she loved and accepted her for who she was. After being in his hotel room for just a few moments, Katie began to doubt herself. The man before her was not what she anticipated and not what Mark had described on the Internet. At first he was gentle with her, yet he became very forceful and it was clear he intended to rape her. Fortunately Mark was stopped when Katie’s mom and two coaches pounded on the door. Unable to convince them to leave, Mark finally opened the door and allowed Katie to exit safely.
That night Katie was confused and ashamed. She felt torn between the two versions of Mark: the man she trusted and fell in love with and the man that had attempted to molest her. Observing her disappointed mother, Katie decided that the truth would make things worse, so she lied to the police that night. The police officers informed Katie of numerous lies Mark had told her, including his name, actually David, and his age, actually 41. As the week in Texas continued, Katie felt like a criminal herself and decided to tell the truth. The police were called a second time, the truth was revealed and charges would be pressed.
Upon returning to Connecticut, Katie’s life became increasingly difficult. Due to broken trust, her grandparents moved in to watch over Katie. Her parents forced her to go to counseling and she began to doubt her sanity. At school, Katie was now completely isolated, students spread rumors and she lost the few friends she had. Unable to find acceptance or comfort anywhere, she felt that everyone blamed her for what happened and her self-confidence plummeted. Katie met with the police in Connecticut and later with the FBI, yet for a long time she felt that no crime had occurred. Katie couldn’t bring herself to believe that Mark was dangerous as she still saw him as the man she trusted. As the trial commenced Katie began to see Mark as he truly was.
Katie left her school to attend a private school so she could make new friends and move on. Choosing to keep her experience to herself, Katie began a new life there. As investigators began to snoop around her town, Katie decided to tell her roommate, Penn, about what happened. Instead of being rejected and criticized, her roommate was worried about Katie’s safety. The trial progressed, a plea agreement was reached with Mark and he was sentenced to 18 months in prison. After the trial he wanted to speak with Katie and she refused. Instead he wrote her a letter of apology. Two years later she could now close a part of this experience as the trial was finally over.
Throughout the trial, Katie was drenched with an overwhelming sense of guilt, insomnia and weight loss. After a serious mental breakdown, Katie realized that she needed to deal the emotions and guilt that accompanied her experience with Mark. She began the process by choosing to write a research paper on pedophilia using her own case, the interviews and polygraphs as a starting point. Katie also began to see a counselor. Unlike past experiences, Katie could trust her counselor and felt there was hope in getting her life back together. In addition, she began to take anti-anxiety medication to help her function daily. An important part of the healing process was Katie no longer hiding what happened. Although it was very difficult, she stood in front of her peers in the chapel to tell her story. She was received with a standing ovation and could now continue to work towards emotional healing without shame or hiding.
Katie’s views concerning the Internet are not simple due to her life changing experience with Mark. When Katie first discovered the Internet she was a young girl that sought acceptance and understanding. Katie realized that through chat rooms and e-mail one can meet interesting people avoiding the limitations of distance. With the vast array of people that use the Internet and with many customary boundaries removed, the difficulty of finding others with similar interests is greatly reduced. Katie could be herself when on the Internet, which was a freedom she did not feel she had at home or at school. For those that struggle making friends or showing their true selves, the Internet is an alternative method for self-expression. Katie not only found a means to express herself, but also found acceptance from others on the Internet.
The freedom Katie found on the Internet was powerful but was understandably overshadowed by who she was ultimately accepted by an Internet predator and pedophile. According to Katie’s website, www.katiet.com, she no longer uses chat rooms to meet people on the Internet. She does not build relationships with people that she has not met in person first and warns others about that as well. Katie does use e-mail and instant messenger to communicate with family and friends. Katie does not have a completely negative view of the Internet, rather she is acutely aware of the significance of Internet safety.
Katie makes it clear that Internet predators affect all of society and the Internet provides an avenue for victims to be identified and pursued. Katie stresses two preventative measures that are essential to protect children: adult supervision and personal responsibility. Similar to children that are found alone at home, outside, or in public places, children without adult supervision on the Internet are more susceptible to becoming victims. In households with little adult supervision, many children now occupy their time with the Internet. The easy and instant communication combined with the perception that they are disconnected from negative consequences lead children into making decisions that could affect them for years to come. Through the use of e-mail and chat rooms, strong relationships can be formed quickly. Internet predators know how to build trust and make themselves seem safe and attractive to children. As was the case with Katie and Mark, seemingly meaningful relationships develop, meeting plans are made, and children are put at risk without an adult ever becoming aware of the situation. Katie urges parents to be attentive and monitor their children, especially their communication with others on the Internet.
The safety of children is essential and precautions must be taken to protect them. Parents’ monitoring their child’s Internet use is very important yet it does not stop there. It is not possible for parents to watch their child’s Internet use at all times. Individuals, especially children and teenagers, need to be educated about responsible Internet use, protecting one’s privacy, conversing with strangers and the hidden motives of some Internet users. It is essential to stress the dangers to the point that the individual understands that these risks are real and must be taken into account. Just as children are warned about strangers offering candy or a ride home, Internet predators also use lies to build trust. Katie’s story provides an example of how such tactics can captivate a bright young girl and lead her into an unsafe situation.
Although individuals may be aware of the dangers on the Internet, the precautions may not always be followed. When a person, especially a child or teenager, is actively seeking a companion to trust and connect with, the potential risks may be overlooked. A strong desire for a certain outcome can outweigh the necessary safety precautions. In addition, when an activity is repeated over an extended period of time, the known dangers may be disregarded and unnecessary risks taken due to carelessness. Aware that she should not give out her personal information, Katie’s desire for acceptance led to her immediate trust in Mark and her disregard of known safety information. Katie describes her longing for companionship that ultimately outweighed common safety measures. Although no strategy is one hundred percent effective, Katie stresses the coupling of adult supervision and personal responsibility to protect children from Internet predators. Katie believes that the Internet is a powerful too, especially for communication, yet the need for children’s safety cannot be stressed enough.
The Internet provides an effortless channel for individuals to hide and/or escape from a variety of issues whether personal, societal or simply the reality of one’s own life. A person that is searching for a temporary escape from problems in their lives can find numerous hiding places on the Internet. This could be a neutral experience and possibly beneficial for some people for short periods of time. Yet if taken to an extreme, a person may become fixated with their virtual life and never deal with the issues in their real life. When Katie was suffering socially and within her family, she would enter chat rooms as a way to escape from her problems. Rather than making other changes in her life (quitting the swim team, confronting her inattentive mother, rekindling old friendships), Katie avoided her problems and fled to the Internet regularly.
Just as the Internet can be a hiding place, it can also be a place to practice social skills and aid people that struggle within society. Katie generally struggled to make friends and her family members were rarely around. Yet, she could always find someone to talk to on the Internet. The anonymity of the Internet removed her social limitations and physical insecurities that normally would impede her from making friends or engaging in conversations with her peers. Katie found a place where she could connect with other people. Through the variety of communication options and the multitude of people to converse with, friendships can be formed and social skills practiced. There is a delicate balance that must be found between virtual relationships and learning to apply these skills in social situations. It is important to build meaningful relationships and deal with one’s problems outside of the virtual realm.
A major aspect of Katie’s experience was the way she was treated after the night she met Mark. Katie states that the days and years that followed that night were worse than what happened inside the hotel room. Katie was labeled as a slut at school and was considered senseless by her family and many others. Either directly or indirectly the blame for the experience with Mark was placed on her. The combination of their extended conversations before their meeting and the newness of forming relationships with people via the Internet resulted in people thinking she deserved what happened. Missing from the perceptions of others was the fact that Mark was a pedophile. Although not in a traditional manner, he preyed upon Katie and manipulated her by capitalizing on her insecurities.
Katie’s experience was magnified by the lack of support she received. Unfortunately the majority of people Katie encountered failed to realize that she was a young girl victimized by an adult man. Hers was the first case in which the government prosecuted an Internet pedophile and it received a lot of publicity. As time has passed, more and more people have become aware of the Internet as an avenue for pedophiles to locate victims. This aspect of Katie’s experience in Katie.com has left me with several unanswered questions.