Katie

    Katie Tarbox was a normal 13-year-old girl. She was concerned about what she wore, what she looked like and what people though of her. Katie grew up in New Cannan, Connecticut, a rich suburban town where everyone is perfect, or at least that’s what Katie thought. Katie spent her mornings before school at choir practice and her afternoons at the pool, training for her next swim meet. Katie had a busy schedule with very little time for friends.

    Katie Lived in New Cannan with her Mom, Stepfather and two sisters, Abbie and Carrie. Katie always felt like she was in competition with her older sister, Abbie, until Abbie went to private school in New Hampshire and then the competition shifted to her young sister. Katie respected her mother, the most influential person in her life, but her mother was never around. Katie did not have a good relationship with her stepfather. Whenever she asked him a question, he would say go ask your mother. The lack of friends and solid family relationships, Katie felt very isolated.

    Katie was first introduced to the Internet when her sister came home from school for the summer of 1995 and brought her computer with America Online. The computer had opened up a “whole new world” to Katie, a world of the World Wide Web and on-line chat rooms. Because of her feeling of isolation, Katie hoped that she would find someone on-line like her. It took the entire summer, but the day before she started the 8th grade she met VALLLEYGUY. He seemed perfect, so perfect that despite her parents’ warnings, she gave him her number and hoped that he would call.

    VALLLEYGUY, also know as Mark, called her later that day. When talking to him, Katie felt like she was talking to an old friend. She enjoyed the conversations so much that she ignored the fact that Mark was a 23-year-old man and she was talking to him after her curfew.

    Mark and Katie started e-mailing in addition to chatting and their relationship started to grow. The difference in their age was brought up several times, but Katie believed that in 10 years the difference would not mean as much. The holidays passed and so did Katie’s birthday. Mark was alone for the holidays and Katie was alone for her birthday. This feeling of loneness drew Katie even closer to Mark.

    Katie started to feel unsure about her relationship with Mark and decided that on her school trip to Italy, that she would reflect on their relationship. She hoped that she would forget about Mark, but she did not. Katie’s time apart from Mark made her realize that she loved him and shortly after her return, she agreed to meet him. Mark was going to fly down to Texas to Katie’s next swim meet.

    Katie and Mark agreed to meet at the hotel where Katie, her mom, and her swim team were staying for the weekend. Mark called Katie when he got to the hotel and convinced Katie to come to his room. When Katie got to Mark’s room, she quickly found her self in a situation that she knew was wrong.
     Katie and Mark were interrupted by a loud knock at the door. Hotel security and Katie’s mother came to Marks room and escorted Katie back to her room where police questioned her. Katie told the police that nothing happened and continued to lie even after she found out that Mark was really 41 and his name was Francis. Katie still loved Mark and did not want anything to happen to him. However, after a long day of suffering with the truth, Katie told her mother exactly what had happened between her and Mark and Katie confessed to the police.

    Katie’s parents had decided to press charges against Mark and try and get their life back to normal. Katie tried to deal with all the stares and comments she got day after day from schoolmates and family. Katie and her family lost most of their friends, but Katie also lost her dignity. Katie had to relive the night over and over as she talked to police, FBI and counselor after counselor. Katie decided that she needed to escape and asked her parents to go to boarding school. Her parents agreed and Katie got the escape that she needed.

    Over two years after Katie’s family pressed charges Katie saw Mark again at his hearing. Katie had just started to get her life back together and was fearful of seeing Mark again. She wanted him to know how he hurt her and how he ruined her life and she would have her time to speak at his sentencing, where he was sentenced to 18 months in jail.

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Implications:

      While reading this book I could not help to feel bad for the young impressionable girl being portrayed through the pages. It was obvious that shortly after the Internet abuse occurred, Katie life was less than normal. Katie suffered from depression for two years, lost all of her friends, was viewed as the town slut and was forced to give up things that she loved, like swimming. In addition, even though Katie was not at fault for any of the abuse, Katie felt a sense of regret for “ruining” Marks life. Years later, after counseling and writing Katie.com, Katie had an interview with Al Roker, on Court TV on July 28, 2004. At this interview, she shared that this experience has made her a much stronger person than she would be if she had never met Mark.

      In 2004, Katie graduated from college, was planning to apply to Law School and was working on putting together katiesplace.org. According to her biography on Katiet.com, Katie has traveled around the world lecturing children and adults on Internet safety. “Katie doesn't advocate restricting online activity”, Moira Brennan, writer for Ms. Magazine, instead she advocates for high parental supervision and educating our children before going on-line. Education is important because children have access to computers and the Internet outside of the home. Restricting its use is no more than putting a band-aid on the problem. By educating children, we can avoid the problem altogether.

      Because most schools are using the internet during instruction, Katie encourages parents to become aware of how their childrens' school is using the internet and for educators to be cautious when using the internet. On katiesplace.org, Katie warns schools not to post student pictures on their website without parent permission first. Also, the child’s name should never be posted with the picture and the student should never be alone in the picture. This is because on-line predators can use the information on the website to target young children. In addition, schools must take responsibility to make sure our students are educated on the dangers of internet use.

In YM magazine, September 2000 issue, Katie offered 6 warnings for internet use

1. Face the fact that it can happen to you - It does not matter if you are rich, smart or pretty. Pedophiles do not discriminate. Everyone is at risk!

2. Choose your chat rooms carefully - Just because you are in chat room Teen#1 does not mean that everyone in that room is a teenager. It is best to stay out of chat rooms but if you do enter, be weary of who you are talking to.

3. Don't get personal - Your screen name should not identify you, nor should you give out any information that would identify you. Names are not the only way that pedophiles can find their target. Sharing your school and sport you play is enough information to help a person track you down.

4. Tell friends and family about your cyber pals - If you can not tell your parents and friends who you are talking to then you probably should not be talking. Sometimes it is hard to see all sides of a person, that is why we need other people to help us judge who is good for us and who is not.

5. Be suspicious - If something does not feel right then it probably is not. Trust your instincts!

6. Never agree to meet anyone in person - Rule of thumb is to only talk to people on-line that you knew in person first. If you happen to meet someone new on-line, play it safe, keep it on-line.

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My Thoughts:

Although I was aware of the dangers associated with the internet before reading Katie.com, I have never read a victim's memoirs. Katie.com was a very moving story of an adolescent struggling with the feeling of not fitting in and going to a great extent to find someone to care for her. Being a stepmother of a 13 year-old girl and a person who struggled through adolescence, my heart went out to Katie. There were some major issues brought up in Katie.com that parents and educators must be aware of.

First, it is not enough to say to our children don’t give out your personal information when online, as Katie’s mom did. It is our jobs as parents to have a detailed discussion about what is appropriate and what is not appropriate when using the internet. However, many parents still don’t know enough about the internet or can keep up with the constant change, therefore instead of sounding ignorant, they rather not talk at all.

Second, when our children make mistakes, we need to support them and help them deal with their mistakes. Katie’s mom and father blamed Katie for what happened and her father even asked her if she felt bad ruining a persons’ life. What happened to Katie was the fault of the predator, not her parents and certainly not Katie’s.

Third, parents need to set rules when it comes to using the Internet. For example, children should only use the Internet in a central location in the house and can only with permission. Trusting your child is not enough. Pedophiles are sneaky and can break the judgment of even the most trustworthy child.

Katie.com was a good reminder of the dangers of the Internet, but it did not change my views about the Internet. Prior to reading this book, I felt that the Internet was a powerful tool, which our children need to be taught how to use properly. I think that when Katie first wrote Katie.com that her story would have been eye opening, but after working with middle schoolers for 7 years and being an Internet user for over ten, I was already aware of the dangers of the Internet and I was already aware that our children are vulnerable and need to be educated on the dangers of the Internet.

On the other hand, Katie.com did change my views on how victims can be treated by the authority, family, and friends. I grew-up in a very supportive family and believe that they would have been supportive of me if I were to be a victim of a crime. Katie.com showed that that is not true for everyone. Even though prevention is key, remembering that a victim is a victim and they need our support to overcome their trauma.

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